Poison
by Omegathyst
Summary: What if Michael didn't reboot the neighborhood and Janet 800 times, but instead he did it over 1,000 times? In this AU, Janet gains the capacity to remember her first few reboots, and can now feel and express every emotion 100 times more intensely than any human or demon could. So when Jason and Tahani hook up, will Janet be able to keep her sanity? One-shot.


"Will you be our therapist Janet?"

"Of course, I'd be..." Janet didn't finish her sentence, for she knew that she would lying. She certainly _wasn't_ happy for Jason and Tahani. Thanks to Michael's 1,000 reboots, she had gained so many new abilities. One was the ability to vividly remember the first few reboots that she went through, and another was the unique ability to feel emotions more intensely than any other living being.

She so badly wanted to throw the stupid clipboard she was holding at the tall and condescending giraffe that wasn't deserving of Jason, but she kept her composure and tried to help Jason and Tahani with their relationship the best way she could. She would reveal everything to Jason in due time. She hoped that as they talked to each other, Jason would fall in love with her all over again, and _then_ she'd show him the memories that they shared.

"One thing that stinks is that Tahani calls a lot of the things I like gross or stupid." Jason frowned. "Like, how could you not like jalapeno poppers?! They're forking delicious!"

"Of course they are." Janet smiled fondly, remembering the thing that they first bonded about many reboots ago. When she felt love and happiness looking back on the memory, she felt take over her entire body. People usually felt warm and fuzzy, but Janet's body felt like a volcano, threatening to burst in excitement and love for just being in the _same space_ as Jason. It took over her thinking, making her think of nothing else. The 1,000 reboots truly made her emotions hindering to her programming.

Jason smiled, really happy the she agreed with him. And she had to press her fingers into the clipboard, trying to prevent herself from leaping at him in deep love for him.

Suddenly, a pink fog surrounded the whole room and beautiful flowers bloomed around the three of them. Janet gulped nervously, remembering that this is what happened every time she felt love for Jason at it's most intense moments. Jason and Tahani looked at the fog surrounding them.

"It smells like hot wings and barbecue sauce in here!" Jason rejoiced. "Isn't this awesome Tahani?"

 _"No,_ it smells like someone died in here." Tahani growled. "Janet, could you tone your happiness down a little please?"

"Maybe you could tone down your benchiness a little?" Janet ended up growling back without restraining herself, the pink fog and the plants disappearing immediately. Tahani looked at her in shock and offense, and Janet got up.

"E-Excuse me." Janet ran off. Her intense emotions never seemed to be a major concern until she realized that Jason and Tahani were together. She was supposed to be cheery and happy, willing to make any human happy no matter what. But she was in danger of becoming a threat to the neighborhood that she loved, even if it was from the despicable Bad Place.

Her anger affected the sky, sending storm clouds over. It became so windy that various demons lost their footing and were sent flying in the air. It rained heavily, and thunder and lightning struck the neighborhood as fiercely as Jason and Tahani's relationship struck her heart. Tears rolled down Janet's cheeks, and she disappeared into her void to end the storm.

She was in the void for a few seconds, enduring the emotional storm within all by herself until she heard someone summon her. She appeared, and frowned when she saw it was Jason. The storm resumed with it's heavy rain, but not as dangerously this time.

"I'm really sorry about the way Tahani acted. She can be a little blunt sometimes." Jason sighed. "Do you think you could still help us? I could try to talk to Tahani about being more sensitive since you're being so nice."

"Is Tahani nice to you?" Janet asked, sitting down on the front porch of one demon's house. Jason sat next to her, and they stared at each other, not even noticing the rain pouring down on their backs.

"Well, she _tries_ her best to appreciate my gestures, like giving her flowers." Jason pointed out. Janet curled her toes and gritted her teeth.

 _You don't_ ** _try_** _to appreciate someone if you're forking in love with them! It comes to you naturally! Jason fell in love with me because I was the only one who was nice to him! And yet in this stupid reboot, he falls for Tahani!_

Jason grabbed onto Janet's shoulder when the thunder resumed louder than before. Janet put her hand on Jason's in an attempt to calm herself down, and the storm stopped after a few seconds.

"Woah...did you do that?" Jason asked. "Now that I think of it, you probably made the pink fog and delicious smell! That was very kind of you, but why were you making a storm brew just now?"

"Because...I was upset that Tahani has to _try_ to be nice to someone she's supposed to love. You deserve better Jason." Janet looked down at her hands.

"Y'know, I remember the first few reboots. I remember how Tahani insulted you as a human being, and then you turned to me and..." Janet looked away.

"I turned to you and then what?" Jason persisted.

"Y-You told me that you loved me and we got married. It was such a beautiful ceremony, and I miss you **_so_ _much_** that my own programming is torn apart because of it." Janet explained. "I can show you."

Janet made a projection screen appear from her eyes and on the door, showing the wedding ceremony and just about every other touching moment they shared in the first reboot. A tear rolled down her cheek, but she didn't say anything. After the whole video played, the screen disappeared and she buried her head in her hands.

"Janet, don't cry." Jason hugged her. "I didn't realize that you were the only one that was truly nice to me. But even though Tahani puts me down, I don't think I can just break up with her. She's becoming a better person, and I think I'm helping her."

 ** _"Then just go!"_** Janet screeched, causing the ground to shake and the storms to resume. Jason leaped away and ran off, leaving Janet to destroy the neighborhood in her own pain. She saw that Vicky demon run towards her, and she threw a mailbox at her. Vicky dodged it and put her hands on Janet's shoulders.

"Where's that stupid manual? We're putting you in _self-destruction mode."_ Vicky growled. "You _have_ to listen to me."

"No I don't, you're not a architect or a human." Janet pushed her away. Vicky opened her mouth to give a biting remark when she was struck by lightning.

 _Jason is staying with Tahani, and my confession of love and the memories we shared meant_ nothing _to him. I never asked for anything, all I do is give and take care of the neighborhood. But when I want Jason, I can't have him._ ** _I'll never have him!_**

"What the fork is going on?!" Janet heard Chidi yell frantically. She snapped out of her painful thoughts to see the houses of her beloved neighborhood were in ruins, most of them destroyed and broken. No, she was upset with Jason and Tahani! Nobody else deserved this!

 _Vicky was right, I need to be killed for the safety of this neighborhood. What is the point of staying around when Jason clearly doesn't want me?_

* * *

"Hurry, let's get inside! I don't want the wind to mess up my hair." Tahani held Jason's hand as she brought him into their mansion. "I know Michael's setting these up to 'torture' Eleanor, but good grief! I've never seen a storm that chaotic!"

"Yeah..." Jason frowned, thinking about his newly-found wife. She was the only one that was nice to him many reboots ago. When Eleanor was annoyed with him, when Chidi was frustrated with him, and when Tahani _despised_ him and treated him like a bug, Janet was unbiased in her kindness to everyone, including _him._

 _And we looked so happy, more happy than Tahani has ever been with me..._

"Hey Tahani, I think we need to talk." Jason decided. Tahani let go of his hand as they sat on the couch.

"Yes darling?"

"I just found out that in the very first reboot, I was married to Janet. She showed me all of our memories together. I saw that in those memories, I looked the happiest I'd ever been. And Janet looked more happy than you'd ever been." Jason explained. "You're a good friend to me, but I don't think we should be together."

"Oh." Tahani looked down at the floor. "Well, that's fair. I enjoyed hooking up with you, but I don't think I actually wanted a relationship as much as I thought I did."

"Okay, I'm going to go look for Janet." Jason hugged Tahani and got up, forgetting about the destructive storm that was going on outside until he opened the door. He gulped, knowing that he was the cause of this.

* * *

"Michael! There you are!" Janet finally found the architect leaving his office. "This is happening because of me. I need you to take this Janet manual and find the self-destruct mode."

"Janet, I'm not going to kill you." Michael firmly stated. "Tahani already told me what happened, and we should talk to Jason-"

"I already did and he rejected me, so kill me!" Janet tossed the manual at Michael and he frowned.

"I can't, what if Vicky finds out? It's not good for the plan Janet." Michael told her.

"What kind of excuse is that? It'd be much safer to just kill me. Why are you letting this continue? Your plan would fall apart by keeping me alive-"

"Because we're friends Janet, that's is why I can't kill you!" Michael shouted over the storm. "I'm so sorry that I've put you through over 1,000 reboots, but I believe we can get through this together. _Please,_ Janet, let me help you."

"Michael, thank you." Janet hugged Michael before pulling away. "And as your friend, I think it'd be kinder of you to end my suffering. I hate this just as much as you do, but you're the only one that can save me from myself."

Janet handed Michael a paperclip, and he found his hand shaking as he slowly moved it towards Janet's ear-

"Janet! It's me, Jason!" Jason ran into hearing range in the nick of time, and Michael dropped the paperclip in relief. "I broke up with Tahani after seeing all those happy memories, and I want to give us a chance."

The storm abruptly stopped, and the clouds made way for the bright and beautiful sun. The pink fog returned, surrounding the entire neighborhood. The houses begun to repair themselves as Janet stared into Jason's eyes, smiling a smile that put her normal cheery smile to shame.

"R-Really?" Janet asked, walking towards Jason.

"Really, it's the least I can do for all the times you've been so nice to me Janet." Jason gave a giddy smile as well. "So, where do you want to go on our first date? Pizza parlor-robbing? Selling fake drugs to all of the demons?"

Janet smirked, missing a certain task that she did in the first reboot.

* * *

"Wow, I can't believe you made all these frozen yogurt flavors!"

Per request, Michael always kept one frozen yogurt in the neighborhood for Janet in every reboot. She loved creating the weirdest and wildest flavors. And now that her and Jason were seeing each other again, she could create all the Jason-inspired flavors she wanted to.

"Is this... _jalapeno popper-flavored_ frozen yogurt?! And _Stupid Nick's wings?!_ I need to try samples for _all of these!"_ Jason exclaimed eagerly, clumsily grabbing the sample cups. Janet smiled earnestly, even though she knew that the demons were starting to get annoyed by the barbecue sauce-scented pink fog that hung over the neighborhood all day. Now that Janet was non-bitterly in love with Jason, the pink fog and the gardens were here to stay.

Jason joined Janet at the table with a mix of jalapeno popper and Stupid Nick's wings frozen yogurt topped with jalapenos and barbecue sauce. Janet ate her full cell-phone battery frozen yogurt, feeling the happiest she's ever been.

Jason was about to break the happy silence when Eleanor barged in the place to get shrimp-flavored yogurt.

"Oh, is now a bad time? Sorry, I'll be getting my shrimp yogurt and leaving-"

One thing that Janet noticed was that Eleanor got _two_ frozen yogurts, the other one being cheesecake. Funny, she remembered Tahani liking that in the other reboots...

Jason and Janet started talking to each other, with the latter explaining to Jason moments they shared in the other reboots. They laughed, joked, and bonded as if no memories were lost.

"Can I kiss you?" Jason finally asked. Janet nodded, and he pressed his lips against her's. Finally, after all these years of chasing each other in rebooted circles, they finally regained **_all_** of their memories back from the most cliche thing of all: true love's kiss.

"Baby it's you!" Jason clapped his hands together. "Oh my god, I remember everything now! I think this reunion calls for a little more than these dope frozen yogurts. Janet, would you like to renew our vows?"

 _"Absolutely!"_ Janet squealed, embracing Jason in a hug so tight that it would've killed him on Earth. But Jason didn't mind at all, thinking it'd be kinda hot to suffocate against Janet's chest.

* * *

"I pronounce us as reunited husband and wife!"

Janet kissed Jason in front of the three humans and Michael, who was best man at the wedding. Eleanor was the maid of honor while Chidi and Tahani were a groomsman and bridesmaid respectively.

"It's a shame things didn't work out with Jason." Tahani told Eleanor. "But he's a simple man, and there are _other_ beautiful contenders for my heart."

Tahani winked and Eleanor turned away blushing. Jason heard the exchange and was happy to hear that Tahani was already over him. When they were done kissing, Janet saw Michael crying over how beautiful the wedding was.

"As much as I'd love for this wedding to last forever, me and Jason thought it'd be a good idea to go on our honeymoon before the demons find us here." Janet turned to her husband. "Ready my love?"

"Ready!" Jason hugged Janet, and the two disappeared to their destination.

"Oh fork, I guess I'll have to come up with some excuse for why Janet's not here to the other demons." Michael said between tears of joy.

The three humans still at the wedding reception smiled, happy that true love found it's way in even the most _bleakest_ of places.


End file.
